My Life With Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 7: 7 Things I’ve Learned From Living With Chronic Pain

June is National Migraine & Headache Awareness Month, and since headaches and migraines have had such an enormous impact on every aspect of my life, its a pretty important subject for me, and something I have done an extensive amount of research on. I have officially been dealing with them for half my life, and truly cannot imagine a headache/migraine free life. If you're interested, you can find my story my following the posts below.

My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 1: In the Beginning
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 2: Welcome to the Real World
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 3: No Stress Like Teacher Stress
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 4: New State, Same Headaches
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 5: Finding My Happy and Living in the Now
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 6: the Injections

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Because there is so much unknown about migraines, their causes, and their relief, I've found the best info I've gotten has been anecdotal from people who experience them IRL. Doctors can help, but since their is no real conclusive research, there is only so much they can do. Additionally, like any chronic pain, unless you've been there, its hard to understand. It is nice to hear from others who are in a similar boat, trying to navigate through the same storm. Invisible pain is a struggle to live with, but it has taught me a lot!! The following is a list of seven things (in no particular order) I've learned from living with chronic pain....


1. Don't procrastinate. Seriously.

You never know when a flare up will hit, or how long it will last. It is an awful feeling when you know you have things that need to be done but you’re in too much pain to even uncurl out of the ball you’ve wrapped yourself into. 

2. Make sure you have a solid support system.

The thing about chronic pain is that it leads to issues with your mental health. It is so easy to fall into depression and not be able to turn off the anxiety. You’re always wondering when the next episode will occur, how long it will last, how bad will it be, what events or other fun (or important) things will you have to miss out on because of it...it’s so important to have people in your corner willing to help you out when you physically cannot help yourself.

3. Always be prepared.

Whatever medications or other physical coping mechanisms you may POSSIBLY need- be sure to always have them. Always. There is nothing worse than being stuck somewhere in the middle of an episode and have no escape from it because all your tools and relief are at home.

4. What works for some people, may not work for you.

I'm not the only one in the world who gets headaches or migraines, obviously, so I am always looking for remedies that others have used.  Unfortunately, that doesn't always work.  I've got a closet full of essential oils and natural remedies, massagers, heating pads, and every prescription under the sun. I'm willing to try just about anything; unfortunately, I have yet to find a suggestion that has consistently worked. HOWEVER, getting suggestions from people who have been there is always helpful, and even though some things may not work, or may only work for a short time, the sharing is always appreciated!

5. If you feel okay enough to do fun things, do them.

(Thought I am posting this in June, I wrote the little blurb for this one back in January) I write this as I’m sitting here on day 6 of consecutive headaches and migraines. I went to work crying this morning, and those who know me know that I’m not a crier unless things are really bad. I bawled through my whole last-minute doctor appointment, because I was in so much pain, and terrified that I was back where I was two years ago, in a slump of never ending pain. But, rewind...on day 2 of this mess, I went to a concert. On day 3, I was out with friends. Day 5, to a Predators game. Did I feel 100% on any of these days? Absolutely not. But I felt okay enough to go. Chronic pain has taken so much from me, that I stop letting it take away my fun on days that I don’t absolutely have to. You learn to power through and live with the pain when possible.

6. If you travel frequently, make sure your prescriptions are at an accessible pharmacy

I send my prescriptions to Walgreens. Its nice because there are Walgreens EVERYWHERE. When I visit MN, I can easily send my prescriptions up there if I forget to pack them.  When we went to the beach last summer, I was able to refill in Gulf Shores when I unexpectedly started to run low. This eliminates A LOT of stress.

7. Slow down and appreciate the little things.

This is hands down the most important thing I have learned. Life is not a race, and the faster you move through it, the more you miss. Take the time to appreciate the little things you take for granted, it makes it easier to appreciate things on the days you feel like life isn't worth the pain.



It has taken some serious time to get to the point that I am at now, but I would go as far as to say that I am one of the happiest people that I know, and I credit most of that to dealing with chronic pain. The smallest, tiniest things excite me because I know how sucky life can be if you let it, and now that I have the control to stop letting it, I've done just that.

After I got through the worst year of it, I had a nice long chat with myself, I said, "Gretchen. Let go of what you can't control, and stop being so worried about the things you can." I just like that, I did, and I'm so much better for it. Migraines suck. Chronic pain sucks. I would love to give them up for good (and believe me, I am trying!), but I wouldn't be the person I am now without them.

My Life With Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 6: the Injections

If you haven't read the previous posts in this now six part series, you can find them here:
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 1: In the Beginning
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 2: Welcome to the Real World
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 3: No Stress Like Teacher Stress
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 4: New State, Same Headaches
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 5: Finding My Happy and Living in the Now

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My last official migraine update was 8 months ago, February!! A lot has changed in headacheland since then.

I began seeing a neurologist in Clarksville for the first time in March, and she’s great. She bumped up my nightly meds to 100 mg (and if I thought they knocked me out before...uffda! Talk about permanently sleepy...) as a last ditch effort to see if they worked before trying something different. 

I also began a 3-month long migraine study through Stanford University. Using an app, for 90 days I tracked my headaches (the length, the time of day they began, the medication I used to treat them, the symptoms that came with them, etc.). I also had to record caffeine intake/alcoholic beverages and the time I drank them, menstruation days, the times I took/forgot to take my prescribed medications, whether it was a workday/vacation day/weekend/half work day, the time I went to bed and the time I woke up. They also sent me an Apple Watch to wear to monitor my location- altitude, weather, allergens, etc. I was excited to get back the results in June, only to find there was absolutely no pattern. None. Zilch. Nada. Zero. What was causing my headaches and migraines? Stanford sure as heck couldn’t tell me.

June and July were tough months to make headache care a priority. I was busy, busy, busy and traveling what felt like all over the US (okay, only 13 states, one quarter of the US). Getting back to the neuro wasn't anywhere near the top of my to-do list. I was having daily, to every-other-day headaches. The good news was that between Excedrin and the Riz I was able to get rid of them. I maybe spent a day or two in bed waiting for severe pain to go away, but nothing near compared to two summers ago. 

Finally we headed back to school, and I headed back to the neuro. I had officially had little to no success with enough preventatives that injections were now a viable option for me to try. I was scared out of my mind to go to the neuro that August afternoon, because I knew that was what she would suggest. I didn’t know much about injections. I knew that was my next step, but I was under the impression that injection meant Botox, and Botox meant roughly 30 freakin’ needles being stuck into my neck at one time. UM NOPE. 

My neuro calmed me and said no way, that would be a last resort. A little over a year before this appointment, monthly injections were approved by the FDA for migraine prevention. In order for insurance to cover this injection, you have to have tried multiple other avenues of prevention first. Even still, it’s so new that most health insurance doesn’t quite cover them yet. I’m set up on some co-pay plan through the Aimovig company (Aimovig is the name of the injection) in which they pay the $700 for my injection each month for the first year, and eventually my insurance will pay them back. (I know there is a more technical and accurate way to explain this whole insurance thing, but that’s about what I understood from my neuro and the pharmacist).

In normal people explanation, Aimovig releases an antibody that is suppose to wedge into these receptors in your brain and block one of the proteins released during a migraine from getting in those receptors and causing the pain.

I get the injection mailed to me once a month from a specialty pharmacy in Nashville, and as of the writing of this post I have had three injections so far.

When I got the first box in the mail I panicked. I had read all about Aimovig as soon as the neuro sent up the prescription and I saw that people either did a 70 mg shot once a month, or 140 mg shot once a month, which was actually 2-70 mg shots given simultaneously. My box said 140 mg. My eyes bulged- I had been mentally preparing for one shot, not two!! I tore the box open to find one injection pen, hallelujah. I guess they’ve updated their drugs since release, but not whatever website I read it on.

I’m supposed to be doing the injection myself, but if you know me IRL you know that’s never going to happen. Literally, never. I thought it would look like a shot that you get at the doctor, but it’s more like an epi-pen, except less dramatic. All you have to do is press the bottom of the tube against your thigh, click the button down at the top which pushes the needle into your skin, then wait 10-15 seconds until you hear the click of the needle pop back up inside the tube. 

Did you hear that?? I said there is a NEEDLE stuck INSIDE OF ME for a whole 10-15 SECONDS!! (Imagine the 10-15 capitalized over there for dramatic effect). BLEGH.

I had our school nurse do the first two since they were given on school days. (Carlotta you da real MVP here). For the first one, my friend Josie came along to hold my hand. (She wanted to see it, I needed the moral support- Josie, you are also da real MVP). When Carlotta pushed down the button I felt NOTHING. I was so excited! It was way easier than I thought it would be- heck, I could do this myself!! Then we realized the needle hadn’t even gone in.... so we tried again. And this time it did NOT feel like nothing. I whined for the whole 15 minutes. 15 seconds, whatever. It felt like F.O.R.E.V.E.R.

Month two wasn’t as bad. I bought my hoodie to put over my face so I couldn’t see what was happening. My heart rate barely raced to over one hundred this time, versus the 115 BMP it reached during the first injection. #trypanophobiaproblems I still whined, but less, so I got a sticker.

Month three took place at the doctor because I had to get it on a Saturday and there was still no way in you-know-where that I was doing it to myself. The nurse was nice, she reminded me to breathe 28 times and kept talking about the beach to try and distract me. It didn’t hurt so bad at second one but by second 15 I was ready to rip the darn thing out. I didn’t even get a sticker outta her. Rude.

There are really no side effects to this other than  possible constiptation or a reaction/rash at the injection site. I get a small bruise a couple days after the injection, but that’s it. 

After month one I wasn’t sure it was helping. I still was getting headaches, but at least now they were almost always purely headaches instead of migraines and were treatable with a little caffeine and some Excedrin. Leading up to injection #3 I hadn’t had a headache in two weeks, so that’s good news.

They advertise Aimovig as reducing headache days by 50%. As mentioned before, this past summer had nearly daily migraines. We'll say roughly 20-25/month. In the month after injection #1 I had 8, and in the month after injection #2, I had 7. Making them go away permanently will likely never happen, and while 7-8 per month isn't ideal, its much better that 20-25/month.

This is the now. For now I get 140 mg of Aimovig injected into my thigh once a month. If we determine this isn’t working, there are similar injections I can try instead. If none of those work, that’s when Botox become an option. Let us all pray to the migraine gods that that never happens. I can hardly handle one needle, let alone 30...

My Life With Chronic Headaches/Migraines: Part 5 FINDING MY HAPPY & LIVING IN THE NOW

If you haven't read the previous posts in this five part series, you can find them here:
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 1: In the Beginning
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 2: Welcome to the Real World
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 3: No Stress Like Teacher Stress
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 4: New State, Same Headaches

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I ended post 4 with a "cliffhanger" about my career prospects, which, if you know me IRL, it wasn't actually a cliffhanger, because you know exactly what I'm up to.  While the position in Huntsville at the Arsenal was tempting, especially with all the travel it entailed, I knew that in this season of life, my heart belonged in Tennessee.  The months following my move back proved how true that feeling was.

This next part is a little weird.  I originally wrote all five posts back in early January.  Then things shifted.  But I couldn't decide if I wanted to re-write post 5 or add a post six so I did neither.  Below is post five.  Then.....post five and a half??

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Now, here I am, back in Tennessee, doing what I love again. As I write this in the beginning of 2019, I can look back on the last few months and can count on one hand how many headaches I have had, which is miraculous. This miserable pain that CONSUMED my life for months is finally under control...for the time being anyway.  And let me tell you, it has been a PROCESS.

I no longer take my muscle relaxers unless I feel abnormally tight, and I no longer take the anti-anxiety meds unless I need to get my sleep under control. I still refill my Riz, because its still the only thing that takes away my headaches, I just need it a lot less.

I wear my hair in a ponytail again.  I partake in the consumption of adult beverages again.  I roll around in my sleep, and even sleep on my stomach again. I still don't sleep on a pillow, because those suckers still mess with my neck. I've found a chiropractor back home that I go to when I visit, who is a specialist in the atlas, the area of my neck that just can't seem to stay in place.

People ask me what changed, and honestly I have to say, everything.  Everything changed.  In a way, I'm right back where I was when I lived in Tennessee the first time.  I'm working in the same school district, teaching the same grade, and even living in the same apartment complex. But I'm so happy now, and that has been the biggest deterrent of my headaches.

Not that I wasn't happy before, because I was, but not like this.  I deeply feel like I'm in the right place in my life, in every aspect.  I don't know how to explain it.  I was happy before, and I was enjoying life, but something I can't quite pinpoint or describe is different now.

I love my work environment, I love living where I live.  I love my friends, both new and old.  I love teaching again, but I also love that it no longer takes over my life.  I love that I'm always excited about things, no matter how mundane they may seem to everyone else.  I love feeling like I have options, and that I don't have to rush to make choices on those options.  I'm much less anxious, and much more carefree. I do the things I want to do, I don't do the things I don't want to do.  I'm much better about giving up control, and letting things just be.

I wake up in the morning thankful to have the option to get out of bed. I think when it comes down to it, I hit my rock bottom, and its made me a more optimistic person. I've never really been a negative person per se, but I'm much more glass half full now.  Most days I am deliriously giddy, for what reason, I'm not entirely sure. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I walk around my apartment sometimes, smiling like a fool, because I'm just so grateful to be where I am, so grateful to be healthy and able to make choices that aren't centered around things out of my control. Every opportunity excites me, because I very clearly remember feeling like I had no options. I'm less worried about the tomorrows, and just happy to be living in the todays. I realize that most things people worry about, most things I used to worry about, aren't worth a second thought.

My journal is no longer filled with frustrations and concerns.  It's full of great memories and stories and positive reflections.  One of my kids told me at the beginning of the school year that she kept two journals, one for the happy things, and one for the sad things.  I thought this was a great idea.  I always enjoyed flipping through my old journals, but when you need happy memories to look back on, it sucks to see the sad ones, so I borrowed her idea.  Months later, and all I have are happy memories and thoughts to look back on.  I'm sure the day will come when I need the sad stuff journal, but until then, I've been really enjoying reveling in all the moments that have brought me joy.

The downside with chronic pain, is that it will probably always be there.  The downside with migraines, is that medical professionals really don't have any answers.  Remedies work, until they don't.  Preventatives work, until they don't.  Will my headaches and migraines get worse again?  Possibly. Probably.  But for now, I am enjoying every day that they don't, but also continuously making myself aware of new things to try if they do.

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If I had published each of these five posts back in early January when I originally wrote them, that's where the series would end.  But I didn't.  And then January happened.  So, here is this oddly formatted addendum here....post 5.5

Y'all.  I was doing GREAT. (As noted above).  I had no complaints for month, headaches or otherwise.  Then I flipped my head upside down to shake my hair out after a shower and knocked my atlas out of place.  Which sounds like the punchline to a dumb blonde joke, but it's my REAL LIFE. 🤦

I began seeing an atlas specialist in November, when I was home for Thanksgiving (and by began seeing, I mean I went twice).  Then I had another adjustment when I was home over Christmas.  Honestly, I wasn't sure if it helped or not, since my headaches had already improved so much, but I knew it couldn't hurt, and it had helped all of my family members who also suffer from them, so I figured I'd have an open mind.  If I've learned anything on this headache journey, its to give absolutely everything a shot.

Some background info - the atlas is the topmost vertebra in your spine.  I've had enough x-rays of my back done to know that my neck in general is all outta wack.  Too much reading!!! Apparently that's a thing.  I've been trying to break the habit of looking down while I read, but that's so much easier said than done.  I'd been told by my general chiropractors before that this was my issue, and I've been told by general chiropractors before that they were adjusting it, but it never made a difference.

Anywho, I know I messed things up after that hair flip because my headaches have been daily/every other day ever since, and the dizziness when I turn my head in certain ways has set in.  Unfortunately, the closest atlas specialist to me is south of Nashville, and despite my constant pestering over the past few weeks, the new patient consultant for the clinic has yet to call me back so I can finally set up an appointment. Luckily, I have an appointment set up back home when I'm there next weekend. HALLELUJAH!

So this is my now.  It's not the happy ending I thought I had a month ago, but even then I knew it was only a matter of time before they infiltrated my life again.  Some days are good, some months are good, and others not so much, but I'm getting by.  I'm going to make another appointment with another neurologist because this is life with chronic migraines and I can live it or I can be miserable from it. If you know me now, especially after the Year of Suffering, you know I have been absolutely refusing to settle for anything but my very best life, even if it entails more doctors visit and new trials with different treatments and prevention.

My Life With Chronic Headaches/Migraines: Part 4 NEW STATE, SAME HEADACHES

If you haven't read the previous posts in this five part series, you can find them here:
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 1: In the Beginning
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 2: Welcome to the Real World
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 3: No Stress Like Teacher Stress

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This is the post that leaves me feeling vulnerable. It's the stuff that is harder to share.  If I'm happy, you'll know it, because I love to share the happiness. I love to include the people around me in the joy.  If I could take some of my bliss and sprinkle it like fairy dust onto everyone I come in contact with, I would.

If I'm not happy, if I'm being held hostage by my dear, old friend depression, I'm radio silent. Not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed, but because I've always been one to figure things out on my own, to deal with my problems on my own.  My independence has definitely had its benefits throughout my life, but sometimes I need to let others in.  That's the part I failed to do during this season.  That's the part I'm working on. Opening up has never been my strong suit, but here I am, doing it anyway, because growth comes from doing the things that scare you.

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Plain and simple, these next 8ish months sucked. If I made a web map of everything that sucked during this period, the word HEADACHES would be in big, bold, capital letters in the center, with all the suck listed in spindly legs flailing off of it.  They impacted every aspect of my life.

With July came the worst. I spent the last three weeks of the month with a pretty much constant headache/migraine; nothing would make it go away, and the side effects were getting worse too.  The migraines were continuously making me sick to my stomach, to the point that I would wake up in the middle of the night and have to throw up. It got worse and worse until one night, my boyfriend at the time woke up at 1AM to find me curled in a ball on the couch, crying in pain. What followed was a $500 emergency room visit (The downside of still having Tennessee insurance when you're living in Alabama). I was in so much pain, and so out of it, that when the nurse told me he had to give me two shots in the rear end, I dropped my drawers and didn't give it another thought. (If you know me, you know that needles terrify me. I avoid shots like they're Green Bay Packers fans.) I was later told that the needles were HUGE; honestly, I could have looked right at them without seeing them, that's what my state of mind was. Three weeks straight of headaches leaves you with literally no will nor energy to care about anything.

I knew I couldn't teach that school year. I knew I couldn't be in a position that required me to prepare for being out. The migraines were so bad that I could hardly put clothes on in the morning, let alone write sub plans. It was a difficult decision to make, but I felt a weight off my shoulders once I had made it. It's not easy to give up the thing you thought you would spend the rest of your life doing, but when that thing stresses you to the point of making you physically ill, it's a little easier of a concept to handle. Taking the year off of teaching sucked, but looking back, it was hands down the best thing I've ever done for myself, and I'm really, really blessed and thankful that I was in a situation where I could afford to do that.

I spent the next month or two trying to be optimistic, but honestly I was more anxious and depressed than I had ever been.  I had a lot of blood drawn for a lot of various testing and counted to 60 fifteen times with my eyes clenched shut in an MRI machine. I wasn't concerned about tumors or anything, but it was best to rule it all out, especially since I had to wait three months to get into the neurologist. I had been put back on 50 mg of amitriptyline each night and was given a new prescription for rizatriptin. As much as I hated that stuff before, it was a lifesaver to me at this point. It still made me feel like my body was falling apart from the inside out, but it was the ONLY thing that could get rid of the constant, throbbing pain in my head. 

I spent most of my days at the end of summer/early fall curled in a ball on the couch, typically with a headache/migraine. If it was a rare day that I didn't have one, I would still just lie there, usually with one of those migraine hangovers, wondering when the next one would be. It was hard to get motivated to accomplish anything because I couldn't get passed the thought of, "How am I supposed to live the rest of my life like this? In constant pain, or wondering when the pain will return? I'm only 25. I can't. I cannot live like this."

The hardest part of this season of life was not being able to talk to anyone about it. Not that I couldn’t, but unless you’ve been there (and honestly I don’t know anyone who has, not to that extent) you can’t begin to understand it. And how do you tell the people that you love that if this is the life you’re stuck with, a life of constant pain, nausea, frustration, the inability to uncurl from your ball and do ANYTHING, that you’re not so sure you want to live it? This was a really terrifying time for me, but I don't think anyone really knew it. It's a lot easier to talk about now that I'm passed it, because now things are good. It's harder to talk about when you don't believe things will ever be good.

My parents visited for my graduation ceremony at the end of August. We watched the eclipse in Nashville that Monday, then made it back to Huntsville only to immediately head on down to Walgreens to pick up my Riz refill so I could take one before we went to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant, where I sat in a zombie-like state and didn't eat a bite.

Graduation was that Saturday, and I hadn't slept a wink Friday night. I was getting a headache that evening, and was stressed out that I would get a headache during the ceremony the following day, which made it that much worse. I took some Excedrine, which kept me up because of the caffeine, but I worried if I took the PM stuff, I wouldn't be able to get up early like I needed to. I was dropped off at the Symphony Center that morning, where I tried my best to function. (It's painfully obvious in my grad photos that I was out of it that day). While my friend and I waited for the ceremony to begin, I felt a panic attack come on. My heart felt like it was pounding so hard, and I felt like I couldn't breath and just wished I had my inhaler. Luckily, I wasn't new to this anxiety, so I keep my cool and stayed seated and tried to relax. It did freak me out however, because I had never had one that lasted that long, and it took me awhile to figure out that it was a panic attack. Eventually I felt okay, and I made it through the ceremony and most of pictures before I began to feel nauseous and sick again. We had a short lunch, after which I said goodbye to my parents and was whisked off to the car where I slept most of the way home.

Come September, I was trying my hardest not to take Excedrine, because I didn't want to become any more reliant on it than I already was, but as anyone with chronic head pain knows, if you don't take something right away, you're SOL. I didn't want to use Riz on every headache or migraine either because insurance limited me to how many I could get with them paying in a certain time frame. It was a never ending battle of what to take and when to take it and unfortunately, constantly suffering because I hadn't taken the right thing, or I hadn't taken enough of it, or I hadn't taken it soon enough.

In November, after a three month wait, I finally got in to the neurologist. He confirmed what I already knew, that it was tension headaches/migraines that had taken over my life, and he upped my dosage of amitriptyline plus added in a muscle relaxer that I was supposed to take twice a day.

I was hesitant to be so reliant on medication, but nothing else had worked.  I tried chiropractor after chiropractor.  I tried essential oils and other herbal and natural supplements.  I tried massages and stretches and yoga.  This was hands down the most desperate I had ever been in my life.

I finally started substitute teaching late fall 2017.  It was great because I could wait until the morning to pick up a job, when I knew whether I had a headache that day or not.  I got to still work with kids and teach, and I got to finally interact with human beings outside of a doctor's office again.  As the months passed, I grew to really love subbing.  My headaches were beginning to decrease so I could schedule jobs with my preferred teachers/classes ahead of time without being worried about having to cancel. I had April and May fully booked with jobs before March even ended.  I was getting to teach without it taking over my life, and I was building such fun relationships with so many kids and other teachers.  It felt great to be in a classroom again, especially after I thought it was no longer an option.

I was learning coping and preventative strategies for my headaches.  I don't know which things actually helped, but I was constantly doing them all regardless.  I slept straight on my back with my arms at my sides (which sounds awful, but I was on such a high dosage of anti-anxiety meds and muscle relaxers that I was knocked into such a deep sleep I didn't move anyway).  I didn't wear a ponytail for almost a year.  I never raised my arms above my head (because my muscle would tighten immediately).  I stayed away from alcohol, and even gave up dairy for a month (this didn't help, thankfully!) I had to be constantly aware of how long I sat, how long I stood, how long I laid down, how long I watched Netflix, how long and in what positions I read a book. I never slept on a pillow. I always slept on a heating pad.

The months came and went and from the beginning of 2018 to the summer of 2018, and my headaches went from 15-ish a month to 7-ish a month.  After months of "real" job searching, I had a decision to make.  Accept a position in Alabama to train people on different technologies on military bases around the world, or go back to teaching.

(To be continued...)

Stay tuned next week for part 5!

My Life With Chronic Headaches/Migraines: Part 3 NO STRESS LIKE TEACHER STRESS

If you haven't read the previous posts in this five part series, you can find them here:
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 1: In the Beginning
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 2: Welcome to the Real World

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Summer 2016 came and went with minimal headaches. Though they still happened, they weren't as severe or as often. (Perhaps this should have told me something...) I didn't do very well at keeping track of my headaches this specific summer in my calendar, because they just weren't frequent enough to warrant me remembering to record them.

School, and my first year teaching fifth grade, began in August, and my mom came to visit me in September. We had a kickball game that Saturday that I played in, but I had a headache by the end of it. I went home and took some meds, then a nap. We were supposed to meet my friend and her mom for dinner that night, and I was determined to go, but when I stood up to go out to the car, I collapsed back down into my chair. I was exhausted and nauseous and knew I probably wouldn't even make it out to the car. My mom knew I was feeling bad, because there was no way I would have turned down Cheddar's (my favorite!!) otherwise. She sent me back to bed and went to get a pizza. I went to sleep without dinner that night. (Yes, I even turned down pizza in bed). Those migraines were the worst- the ones the left me drained and nauseated, with no appetite or even energy to eat. Those were the ones that give me, what I call, "migraine hangovers" the next day.

Migraine hangovers feel like alcohol hangovers, except you don't get the satisfaction of imbibing the night before. You feel nauseous and exhausted, and your head holds onto an echo of pain from the main event the day before. It also leaves you chock-full of stress and anxiety that the headache is going to come back, because sometimes it does.

My second year of teaching led to a drastic increase in headaches and migraines, as well as an extreme increase in the severity of them. I went to work suffering through it most days, because it was easier for me to exhaust what little energy I had into my lessons than to write plans for a sub.  It was easier to teach my kids, than it was to explain in sub plans how to teach my kids. In retrospect, I know that although kids rely on their teachers to show up every day, it probably wasn't in the best interest of my health.  Hindsight is 20/20.

I kept a large (full) bottle of Excedrine in my book bag at all times.  People knew to come to me if they needed some, because I ALWAYS had it.  I'd take three with a Mello Yello, then three more an hour later to knock the pain out.  The fact that my liver is still functioning honestly astounds me.  

A couple days they were really bad; severe enough that I would have to take a sick day because I knew I shouldn't be driving, let alone on my feet all day in charge of the safety of a group of eleven-year-olds.  Unfortunately, when taking a sick day for a migraine, I was told I had to have a doctor's note, which meant despite my nausea and dizziness, I had to drive anyway. 

If you've dealt with migraines, you know how cruel these days can be. If you haven't, you're lucky; let me fill you in.  You just want to curl up into a ball in your bed and not think. This is pretty easy to do, because the pain is so bad you couldn't think of you want to. But also curling up takes more energy than you even have. Nothing on your "to do" list gets done, because You. Just. Can't. Eating is a chore, but usually you lack an appetite anyway so it isn't too much of an issue. Forget about having any sort of conversation with anyone, whether it be in person, on the phone, or online.  Your brain has shut down and constructing even the most basic response to a statement or question is unimaginable.

When I would get migraines, I would lie in bed with my blanket rolled up and pushed into my eye socket on the side the pain was on in an attempt to relieve some of the pain and pressure. I'd put an ice pack around my neck, because even if it didn't make the headache go away, it numbed the pain until the ice melted.

The end of the school year meant packing up the place that had been my home for two years, and moving once again. And much like the previous summer, the headaches and migraines became slightly better with the increase of natural Vitamin D and the decrease of lesson plans.

At the end of June, I was in Minnesota visiting friends and family. My grandma and I went to La Crosse to go shopping. I had woken up that morning with a headache, and at 6AM I downed three Excedrine and a can of Mountain Dew Pitch Black. I went with my grandma; I figured it wasn't the first shopping trip I'd been on with a headache, I could power through. Unfortunately, I figured wrong. We went to a couple stores before hitting up the mall. Once at the mall, I knew I couldn't do it anymore, so I sent her in without me and took three more Excedrine while I tried to nap it off in the car. Again, shopping with grandma isn't something I would ever bail on unless I literally just couldn't. By the time my grandma came out I was capable of driving again, so we headed home. I spent the rest of the day in bed exhausted.

(To be continued...)

Stay tuned next week for part 4!

My Life With Chronic Headaches/Migraines: Part 2 WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

If you haven't read the first part of this five part series, you can find it here:
My Life with Chronic Headaches/Migraines Part 1: In the Beginning

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Mid-summer 2015 was when I moved to Tennessee to begin my teaching career in the real world and escape the frigid winters of Minnesota. I was still getting frequent headaches and had moved on to taking Excedrine Migraine for them, since ibuprofen was no longer having any effect.  If a headache came on, I'd take three Excedrine with a can of coke because I needed the caffeine to help dispel the pain.  

I'm going to pause here to clarify- for the most part, I'm consistently using the term headache throughout these posts because they varied a lot in severity and type.  Sometimes they were headaches, sometimes they were migraines, and for the purpose of these posts it's easier just to use one term.

In December 2015, the Friday after my birthday, I had the worst migraine I had ever had. I was dizzy and couldn't stand for more than a few minutes without feeling like I was going to pass out. At lunch I couldn't stop shaking, and finally, I spontaneously burst into tears because I didn't understand why I felt so miserable. It was terrifying.  I'd had headaches, I'd had migraines, but I had never had them to this to degree.  I'd never experienced this many side effects from them.

Thankfully, my awesome teammates had my back. (Honestly, the crying probably scared them. I was not a crier). They retrieved our AP and all agreed I needed to go home ASAP. Luckily my apartment wasn't more than a ten minute drive from work, and when I got home, I crashed. In hindsight, I should not have driven home.  It had gotten that bad.

After waking up hours later, I felt better, but not great, and definitely not normal. I had a friend from home staying with me at the time who suggested we go get a massage. It was my first massage, and knowing what I know now, regular massages probably should have been a part of my routine for a long time. (Easy to say, but difficult to afford/have time for when you're a college-student-turned-teacher. Even still, I won't go get one until there is a knot the size of a small country in my back, wreaking havoc on the nerves in my neck and head.. You would think I would have learned...)

The next day, (a Saturday), Cassadee Pope was putting on a free show in Nashville, which I was NOT about to miss.  I felt better headache-wise, but was still quite nauseous. I powered through the concert (because that's what you do when you have free fourth row seats to see Cassadee Pope), but by the time we got to Honky Tonk Central for lunch, I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. I picked at my buffalo chicken wrap while my friend inhaled her lunch, then we headed home for a nap. I stayed nauseous for a good week and a half after this. I went to the doctor because I was so freaked out that there was something seriously wrong with me, but all tests came back negative and they told me just to hydrate, there was nothing else they could do.

In January 2016 I was having constant pain on the right side of my mid/upper back, in the area both behind and below my shoulder blade. It hurt so bad that I was certain I had a kidney infection. When I told a friend about it, she felt the space with her thumb and told me, "Gretchen! That is a knot! It is literally the size of my palm." I didn't know! Blessed am I to have a dear friend who, on her birthday mind you, spent a good 30 minutes using one of those hard plastic massage toy thingies to attempt to unravel this knot. While it didn't completely go away, this made a huge difference.

I survived the rest of the school year on coke and Excedrine, trying my best to combat the stress of being a first year teacher and the craziness of second grade.

(To be continued...)

Stay tuned next week for part 3!

My Life With Chronic Headaches/Migraines: Part 1 IN THE BEGINNING

Over time, I have gotten a lot of  inquiries about my headaches- how they started, how long I've had them, what causes them, what I do for them now, etc. Sometimes from people who are curious, sometimes from people who are concerned, and sometimes from people who have been battling the same struggles.  The story takes forever, because I've had them for a decade and there has been a lot of trial and error for what has worked as preventatives, what the triggers have been, how they've changed, and how they have impacted my life. No easier way to share than to write about about it!

So, for those that have asked, and those that are interested, here is my story, part 1 of 5...

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I remember my first real headache. I was in 8th grade, and it was after an away hockey game. I remember having to ask one of the high school girls for ibuprofen, because I never carried any of my own. It was awful. (The ibuprofen, not the headache.) I HATED swallowing pills; at 13 years old, I was still asking the doctor for chewable tablets when I came down with strep throat or an ear infection. It was after this traumatic event that I had my mom pick me up some easy swallow Tylenol. (Which, by the way, were not that easy to swallow!)

I had mild headaches throughout high school.  They were irritating more than anything, but for the most part, were entirely manageable. Occasionally I missed out on doing things because my head hurt too much, but I didn't realize it was an abnormal issue.  My parents both had headaches/migraines, and later, my brother began to get them too.  Even into college, I didn't think much of them; they were merely part of life. I just made sure I always had a bottle of ibuprofen in my dorm room and in my book bag.

In 2012, at the end of my sophomore year of college, was when I noticed them beginning to pick up in intensity. I was also having growing concern for my liver.  I know I was just being a drama queen, but I couldn't help but worry that the ibuprofen I was constantly consuming was quickly adding up, and I knew that couldn't be good for my internal organs.

That summer, I met with a doctor that specialized in headaches, who diagnosed me with tension headaches and tension migraines.  She gave me two prescriptions- 50 mg of amitriptyline to take each night, and 10 mg of rizatriptin to take when I had a headache. 

The first time I took the rizatriptin was awful. It made me feel like my head was as heavy as a bowling ball, about to roll off my neck at any second. I felt dizzy and drained in a way I had never felt before. I couldn't keep my eyelids open, and I was certain if I tried to stay on my feet I would collapse without warning.

The first time I took it, I was at work.  Note to self: Never take medication for the first time when you're somewhere you need to function.  It was summer, and I was working with kids.  Not an ideal time to feel like you were dying.  Luckily, it was a Friday morning, which meant we were putting in a movie before heading to the pool.  By the time the movie was over, I was a-ok, but it was a rough couple hours, not knowing what exactly the side effects were going to entail and how long they would last.

After a couple more attempts at utilizing the riz to combat my headaches, I said forget it, I would take a headache over that experience any day of the week. 

The amitriptyline didn't last all year either.  Amitriptyline is technically an anti-depressant, and was chosen for me because my headaches were due to tension and stress.  At the time, I was also being prescribed an anti-depressant to help with my anxiety/depression. I still didn't like swallowing pills and taking four tablets each night (two of each prescription) was an uphill battle every time.

Since I was away at school, and my doctor was back home, I didn't go back to try out another strategy, I just continued to stick it out, making sure I kept ibuprofen in my backpack, purse, and car. 

I wish I would have kept track of my headaches back then; it would be nice to have a recorded history. I remember when I was student teaching in Costa Rica at the end of 2014 they were very rare.  I know they'd gotten progressively worse through college, but I don't have any actual data like I've been keeping the last few years.

(To be continued...)

Stay tuned next week for part 2!